maybe i am just not cut out to do stuffs. feeling so useless nowadays, partially becos i am not doing anything at all. i have nth to work towards for and i also have no one to go to. pls let mi free myself from all the things becos i just wan to move on.

[[PAIN]], i may nv recover...

寂寞，是我现在感受的。
顽固模糊了我的视线，我还能往前走吗？

it hurts the same if i dunnoe. so i rather i noe that things are fine, truely fine.
then, at least, i noe it will onli be mi...

i tried, but its not working.

last nite i didnt realli get much slp. went to bed at around 1am but stayed awake until 5am plus. i did a lot of thinking...
i find that i am having a hard time living a 积极向上 de life. i feel that i am living of someone else and nth in my life is done for myself. how foolish isnt it?! i feel trapped btw facing the reality of my life and continuing to pursue my past. both are rough paths that i must make a choice btw. staying on the spot will just make things worse than it already is. i am just very indecisive, i dunnoe which path to take.
well, i figured out something from all the thinking. i finally figured out wat its it i wan and wat is it that is making mi so miserable. sad to sae, there is no solution to it. i also found out that there is no one i can turn to if i realli wanted to sae something. i am always by myself. i nd someone who is willing to listen, i nd someone to be by my side. maybe i am just asking for too much.
nvm, before i find that person, i think i will just have to keep everything to myself.

i am an insecure kid, hoping for someone to hold me tightly...
and never let go.

time is not on my side and i am still nowhere. i am drifting further away from turning back, but the solution is not in sight. wat am i suppose to do??? its my problem, cos it lies in mi. no one cause this, 是我想不通我自己.
i just wasted half my life; be it studies, achievements, frens or anything. in addition, i am suffering from something that i dun even noe wat it is. i feel the pain. all i can do is escape, hoping that time will heal. i feel so useless...

i wrote alot at first, hoping to thrash out everything in my mind. but i just guess it isnt going to help, plus it may have some side effects. so i deleted majority of this post, onli leaving a very small part of it.

我不知道如何形容我现在的心情。。。

'how to noe wat i wan?'
anyone got any suggestion to this question??? cos i having problem noeing wat i wan. cos everything is like so confusing to mi. lol. why am i always feeling things i shouldnt feel?? is avoiding the ans?? or am i just that useless when it comes to that??

wats more is there to sae...

haix~ just let me tan qi first...

maths make up lesson, and i was late for 15mins. blim lehx, at first i was reconsidering if i should still go since i was already late. fortunately blim was in a gd mood 2dae, i got away wif it. we had lesson in class 309's classroom, cos our classroom was apparently under some cleaning. dots.
argh!!! forgot to bring my maths tb, so jian wang. end up got to share it wif mayee. 'yeh man!!!' dunnoe why but she always speak wif this ang mo qiang, just find it very funny. lol. lesson was quite fun, rushing through all the questions. very stress sitting nxt to her sia, she so PRO. somemore still got that jason gl-ing us. Zzz.
for the rest of the maths lesson we went back to our classroom. SIAN~ sitting at the back again. i am a very bei dong person, when no one push mi, i wont do anything de. so when i am sitting at the back or when there is no competition, my mind will just float away... bah, bah, bah.
finally, it was break time! went down wif hy, to play 'ping-pong' badminton?! cos dun have shuttlecock, so we decided to be creative. lol. play and play, then a grp of sec1s boys came along. they had a soccer ball!!! so we joined them. omg. they remind mi of the times i used to play soccer in pri school, damn classic larx. haha. i cant believe i was stupid enough to volunteer to be the goalkeeper. there were mud all over the ground. diaos. my shoes and long pants gone case le...
when i came back to class, some of the guys were playing guitar at the back of the class. hmm... a bit envy them. cos they can play, not like mi, a complete music idiot. lol. nvm, i also have things i am gd at...i think?!
first time see miss chng rush through the theroy wb so fast sia. within like 45mins she finish the whole chapter. wow! applause for her.
around 1.45pm liddat we were released, i dunnoe where i should go larx. wanted to go library, but feel sian. but if go home got nth to do. haix. i wondered......
end up still go home. slack a while, then i went to slp. i just rmb that 2dae was the big dae for inno-members sia. cos 2dae got NJRC, a national robotics competition. so sad, i didnt participate. haha. actually also no big deal larx, is i dun wan participate de. lol. i got my reasons. sorri guys, i wasnt able to be there to support u all. but i believe u all will just do fine de, rite?! haha. nevertheless, hope u all did well and had lots of fun=]

one word. 'SLACK'. thats the word i am going to use to describe mi. zzz. i think my eoy gone case le. i have not touch any bk since last thu sia. its almost a wk le!!! OMG... haix...
i nd to get a life man!!! seriously, i think i am just wasting the earth's resources. all i do is eat and slp. no diff from an animal. even animals do something larx. dots. okay, time to do something. i just wonder wat can i do?!?! life is so boring for mi...
2moro going back to school for lesson sia. haven gotten my maths hw done yet, i bet i am going to get a scolding from blim 2moro. lol. enough of the complaining le, i have to realli turn those words into actions.

i decided not to hide behind the curtains anymore, its just not my style. i dun think i can be satisfied wif being an average. time to be unique, time to make a mark somewhere and somehow. i got to buck up. stop living in the shadow of others, i noe i can do it...

dunnoe why but suddenly i am very curious abt the number of ppl who visit this blog. just wonder if the blog is still visited(means got at least 2visits per day - mi not counted). its not that i hope to get a lot of visitors everyday but i just hope that there will still be ppl who come here and look around. dun nd to tag or even read the post, got come jiu gd enough liao. lol. i dunnoe wat i am toking larx. i a bit nth to do, go think abt this kind of thing. zzz. actually i think that its also no point to noe that bahx. very contradicting rite?! cos its like ppl will just come and go, we dun realli have to go bother abt everyone that comes around and goes around. that will be very tyring rite?! its the same on the larger scale, in life. sometimes we just nd to noe when to grab hold of something and to let go of something. dun think so much larx. haha...

happiness comes when we dun notice, be it for short or long. why?? thats becos we dun think too much and we let go of ourselves. happiness is simple, we dun have to wish hard for it.

oh yeh, i am on a blogging spree. well, for someone like mi who can dun post for months, i thinking i am doing quite well now. lol.
2day wasted larx. i did nth, and i mean NTH. last night i planned to go library 2day de, but end up 12nn then woke up. zzz. plus, i went back for a nap at 1pm and onli woke up at 3pm liddat. i sort le sia. slp and slp and still slp. one day i am going to 'slp' forever and i just cant wait for that day that i must kp on slping now. dots. maybe its becos i every day online till very late, around 1 am-2am. also dunnoe wat i doing online, jumping here and there doing lame stuffs. lol. nvm, 2moro must go library le, and maybe also go pack up my table, its in a mess. as for studying, i think i am going to leave that aside for now, its holiday sia. dots.
hmm. i got nth more to tok abt le, cos my mind is blank now, dunnoe wat to type. bye=]

smile, onli when u are really happy. if not, just cry it out.

okay, now for the thinking and crapping part. i just wan share wif others my view. well, i notice that mani of us, as in teenagers, are facing problems when dealing wif our lives. be it problems wif frens, family, studies, love, look and so on. majority of us arent doing very well in handling our problems. i myself is a very gd example. i understand. but... i just wan to say, i think we should all look at our problems from a diff angle. dun always complain that why arent others having our problems. the ans is very simple, its becos u are weak in that area. u yourself is trying to improve in that area through your problems. i noe it sounds crap and lame. but to mi, i understand that everything is a lesson. we just have to learn and grow up through it. its now or nv, we all have to face problems. but its our choice how we handle it. yes, i understand its difficult, its tough, its painful. but if u think further, u noe that u are going to make it through. there is still a long road ahead to go. i dun mean that u must change your attitude suddenly overnight, but just understand, u are learning and u are doing fine. though u might feel down, feel helpless, but u noe u arent going to go down becos of that. believe in yourself, not the outside u, but the u inside that is hanging on tight, nv let go. u feel troubled thats becos u dun understand something. so u have to search for that ans and learn. some ppl might get that ans overnight while some over years or forever, but u will eventually get it. life is a lesson, look further and u will find your future... stay strong...

well, i didnt copy any of those words from anywhere. those came from mi. though they sound lame, but all i can say is that u will onli understand of u see and experience it yourself. its hard for mi to say everything here, cos theres so much to it. look for mi if u wan to noe more. i noe that i myself isnt realli doing very well in this area too, but at least i managed to get some hints to solving problems in life aft thinking for so long. so yah, share wif mi your view too, and let us learn tgt.

stage performance no.1

nice lanterns!!

lighting on the overhead bridge

bought some 'rou gan' here

stage performance no.2

'chang e', LOL~

'tong ji' hospital, random pic

sis and mum

went to clark quay there to take bus home, long walk sia

01 Sep 08: wake up like 10am in the morning. 2day it was a slacking day for mi. eat, slp and watch tv... i repeated this cycle for like at least 3times. omg, nvm. i went to weight myself in the afternoon. ha~ i am finally 70kg!!! okay, +1kg larx... so glad. i finally hit 21 for my BMI le. so i am no longer at risk of almost being underweight. well, i noe this sound weird and very no logic but its true. last time my BMI was onli 19, below 18 is considered underweight. lol. now that i am finally 70kg, i am going to maintain this way. plus i am going to work out more le, if not i think i am going to rust. my reactions are getting slower and my endurance... well, just noe that i cant run for long le. lol.

my mum cooked duo jiang 2day. so shiok!! its sweet desert for mi this whole wk le. yeh!! she woke up early 2day to mo the beans and cooked the duo jiang. haha. i tasted it and it was very nice. just like those sold outside, but much much sweeter. my mum is a great cook sia. she say she used to cook all sorts of funny funny desserts whenever my grandparents had guests, cos she was the oldest in the family so she got to help out. lol. that was way back when she was my age and living in the kampong. all i can say is that she haven loss her touch yet, maybe just nd to use it more bahx. and also so that i can enjoy more nice desserts. haha.

CHEW CHIN CHYE:
a.k.a. C3
a.k.a. chin
a.k.a. crab
a.k.a. =ch(ew+in+ye)

Male
16+ years old
xx .xx .1993
Pisces
Bpian ; Nanhuarian
104'06 ; 204'07 ; 305'08 ; 405'09
INNO-vationClub
crappies_veggies@hotmail

- find my passion and goal
- to stop thinking
- to "grow up"
- to live and enjoy "life"
- company, from the one i love...
- 把真心话说出口!
- to succeed!





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